Beautiful Girl
by Charlie'sLostVampire
Summary: Charlie Pace had never been in love before, and he was certain that a guy like him didn't deserve it; or did he?


_Beautiful girl, beautiful girl, you don't wanna fuck with me._

_Beautiful girl, stay out of my world; it's nothing but a tragedy._

_Waste of your time, out of your mind; don't be delusional._

_Leave me be, I will be just fine; baby, just carry on._

Charlie Pace had never really been in love before. Sure, there had been girls on and off over the years, but no relationship he'd ever had felt quite like this. The irony of the matter was that he wasn't even really in a relationship. He was just head over heels in love with a girl he knew he shouldn't be with.

She was beautiful, kind, accepting, and welcoming; all things that he knew he didn't deserve. He was a mess, and she in no way needed a mess to clean up; not when she was due to have a baby any day now.

But just because he could never let himself take that step with Claire didn't mean they couldn't be friends, did it? She made him smile in ways he hadn't really smiled in years, and that felt good. The problem was that, the closer they became as friends, the more it seemed like _she_ might actually be interested in more. He wanted to let himself be with her just as much as he wanted to help her get through her pregnancy and get off of this island, but he knew in his heart it could never work. He was a washed up rock star with a drug addiction, and she was a fallen angel who would be back on her feet in no time. Claire Littleton didn't need Charlie Pace weighing her down; especially not when she had a baby to care for.

So, he did his best to keep things innocent between them. He cared for her and was there when she needed him to be, and he let their little island romance flourish as much as was safe. But he tried his best to keep his deeper feelings buried; oh, he tried.

_Beautiful girl, beautiful girl, don't know why you rescued me._

_Beautiful girl, stay in my world; swear that you're the best for me._

_All of my life, I couldn't get it right; everything felt so wrong._

_I have brighter days, you get all my praise._

_You saved me._

He tried, and he failed miserably. The longer they were stranded on this island, the harder it was to keep his feelings under control. The way he eventually convinced himself to see it, what was really the point? They made each other happy, and she somehow managed to make him a better person than he was when they crashed. Claire brought out the best in him and made him happy at the same time, and Charlie didn't want that to stop. If they were going to be stuck here forever, which he still partially hoped wouldn't be the case, why bother pushing Claire away? Why not let them be a happy little makeshift family? It wasn't like Aaron had anyone else to be his stand-in father.

Aaron himself made it difficult for Charlie to keep his distance. The baby boy was a bundle of sunshine, and he was just as good as Claire was at making him smile. Charlie himself had never really considered having kids before; he'd never met a girl that he cared for enough to make him consider it. That is, not until he met Claire. In that way, he sort of got a two package deal. He sometimes liked to think of Aaron as his son, which wasn't really that hard given that the baby looked nothing like his real father. He was a little Claire, through and through. Even if he would never _really_ be his son, it wouldn't stop Charlie from imagining. After all; what was wrong with imagining if, someday, maybe he and Claire could have the real deal?

The heroin scare really put things into perspective, though. What would happen if and when they finally did get off this blasted island? The temptation of slipping back into that old life would always be there, and he couldn't risk dragging the two people he cared for most into that world. As much as he wanted to put it entirely behind him, Charlie knew he likely never really could. Here, he could be a good man. Back home, he would revert back to being a junkie who lost everything just for a good buzz; the public and the tabloids would make sure of that. He couldn't drag Claire and Aaron into the mess waiting for him back there. He just couldn't. He cared for them too much.

They may have saved him here, but there was no guarantee that he could save them there.

_How can I stand next to you all alone and do nothing at all?_

_It starts in my head, straight to my bones; head spinning when you fall._

_With my heart safe and sound, I stay, and my feet on the ground, I say,_

"_I've never been higher, let the world catch fire."_

_Living, loving, I stay._

He kept his distance for a while, because it was what she wanted. It killed him, but Charlie did it. The longer he was without them, though, the worse he found that he felt. Going without Claire was like suffering through a thousand heroin withdrawals at once, except he felt it all in his heart and his head. At night, instead of dreaming of that bloody powder, he dreamed of his lips on hers, of her dazzlingly blue eyes, of her laugh. Being with Claire was like the ultimate high, and now he was suffering the ultimate low. He missed her, and everyone around could see it; everyone but Claire. Either she was entirely oblivious, or she was just doing her best to ignore and avoid him. Not that he blamed her; he could have killed Aaron during those damn hallucinations. Yet again, the drugs were ripping his life apart.

He wanted her back. He wanted her to trust him again. He wanted to be allowed to see Aaron and to play with him, because he missed the little peanut head almost as much as he missed Claire. He missed the little life they'd had together, and more often than not he found himself trying to blame John Locke. But, deep down, Charlie knew he had no one to blame for his misfortunes but himself and his lack of self-control.

Yet, even if she chose to hate him, Charlie could never abandon Claire. Late at night, when everyone else, including she, was asleep and insomnia would plague him, he would creep over to her sector of the camp and make sure that the fire wasn't out and that both she and Aaron had enough blankets to keep out the night air. Even if she had cut him out, they were still his little family, and his heart would always be with them.

_Beautiful girl, beautiful girl, I couldn't do it on my own._

_Beautiful girl, this is our world; we never have to be alone._

_All of my heart, every part, I can't stop thanking you._

_All of my days, you get all my praise, I will always love you._

_You saved me!_

As he slowly began to regain her trust again, Charlie once more started to feel whole. The weeks she'd kept her distance had been hell, and he couldn't remember a time in his life when he'd felt so alone; not even when Liam had started to spiral and he'd desperately tried to fight the temptation to do the same. Claire filled a piece of his heart that had been empty for years until he met her the night of the plane crash.

It was a shame their little heaven couldn't last longer.

When Desmond told Charlie that he was going to die, Charlie wasn't afraid for his own life; he was afraid for Claire and Aaron. Who would take care of them when he was gone? Who would make sure they stayed warm at night and had enough to eat? Who would tell Aaron ridiculous bedtime stories and who would sing Claire lullabies? Sure, anyone could sing to her, but no one else on the island would actually _write_ her lullabies. No one else on the island would love the Littletons like he did.

Yet, when he realized his death could be what might get the two of them off of this island for good, Charlie didn't even hesitate. They'd had their little heaven on the island, but it could never last in the real world. Back there, he was still the junkie who lost everything. The real world would never let him keep his little family, and he wouldn't burden them with carrying his baggage, even if Claire was willing to do so; which he had no doubt that she would be. That was partially why he knew he could never make her have to.

He couldn't bring himself to tell her that he wasn't coming back. She had so much faith in him getting them home, and he wouldn't let her down; if he lived and came back to her, that would mean that he had. They couldn't get off of this island together; it just wasn't meant to be. He and his beautiful girl weren't meant to get their happily ever after; not together, at least. She still might, and that was what motivated him to finally go, leaving his DriveShaft ring with the closest thing to a son he would ever have.

Mere hours later; as the water filled his lungs; Claire's beautiful eyes were the last thing his mind let him see. He knew in his heart that he had let her down; that now she would still be trapped here, but she'd be trapped alone. It haunted him, and so his mind refused to let it be his dying thought. His dying thought was that he was dying a changed man. He wasn't dying of a drug overdose, like all of the tabloids had been sure Charlie Pace would; he was dying trying to save the woman who had saved him. Charlie Pace was dying for love.

Charlie Pace died realizing that he had been worthy of love, after all, and that some things really are worth dying for.

_You saved my life, you saved me. I'm gonna be alright; you saved me._


End file.
